The Stranger

"Hey! son come here."

I was a bit confused when a guard, in his mid-fifties, called me while i was returning from the sports complex.

Aurora, the annual cultural festival my college, was just a week away and the practice of my event (me being the organizer of dancing event) was in full flow. So after the routine check of all the things and the concerned persons for dance practice, i was returning from the sports complex. 

I am not very sure that in which world i was lost when this gentleman intervened.

And frankly speaking, i was a bit confused by his call. So, to make sure whether he really called me or was it some hallucination, i asked him
"Did you call me? "

"Yup."

I went up to him, guessing the reasons for which he might have called me. 

"Ah! May be he is one of those newly recruited guards who keep asking for Identity Cards every time we visit the complex." I told to myself.

"Son, Will you feel bad if i ask you a question? "

"No. Please do ask."

"Why are you so sad?"

I was taken completely off the guards by that question of his.

"Do i appear to be sad? Are you out of your wits? Me being sad i.e Smit being sad? Impossible. I mean, ya i agree that i just woke up before 15 minutes and hurried to this place even without washing my face but saying that i am sad is utter nonsense." Though i didn't say these words to him but this was the immediate response that came to my mind. 

I decided to put it more humbly

"Uncle i am not sad. I just woke up before 15 minutes, so may be my facial expressions have led you to this wrong conclusion."

"Read this." He said that pointing his finger to an article from the magazine that he was reading.  

It was an article about by some Tom Clinton about how to be happy in life. I started reading the article not because i was curious to read it but because i didn't want to offend that generous person (guard).

I continued reading and then, all of sudden a line caught my attention 

'Change Person Change Relationship' That might appear Hit and Trial kind-of-stuff but actually it was not so. It was one of the best article i ever read about how to 'let things go'.

After finishing that article, there was a mutual smile on the face of both of us.

"Son, never be sad. This life is too short to do so."

"Okay." I could not argue with him this time.

While i was returning back to hostel, i was amazed by the turn of events that took place before 10 minutes. The more i thought of it, the broader my smile grew. I kept nodding my head in astonishment.

" How could he...........?"

They say, there is a force that works in a mysterious way.  

I mean, just before 10 minutes a person whom i have never known called me and talked to me as if he knew me more than myself. 

That may not sound too strange/astonishing to you, but believe me, it was. 

They say, there is a force that works in a mysterious way. I do believe..

                            The Friend Request

Another new friend request propelled me to think of the Socializing ability of these Social Networking Sites. Courtesy to them, that even the most unfriendly person can now boast of having couple hundred of friends.

'Awantika added you' made me a bit proud (for obvious reasons). After accepting her friend request, i casually opened her timeline to verify whether i know her or not.


"ओह तेरी के! ये तो मेरी ही कोचिंग में पढ़ती थी, एक साल जूनियर थी शायद। और अब यहाँ, इसी शहर में। बेटा राज तेरी तो निकल पड़ी!!"


All of sudden i observed that her relationship status read 'COMMITTED' and all the dreams that i developed within last couple of minutes was shattered now (so bad na!!). But being as optimistic as i always am, i started looking out for her friends. Sent friend request to couple of them.


अभी 5 मिनट भी तो नहीं बीते थे कि 1 रिक्वेस्ट Accept हो गया। एक अनजान लड़की आपका Friend Request Accept करती है और वो भी रात के 3 बजे। अंधे को क्या चाहिए 2 आँख ।


"तुम, इस समय online?" और इस प्रकार शुरू हुआ हमारा दास्तान-ए-इश्क़।


प्रिया से chat करते-करते न जाने कब सुबह के 8 बज गए पता ही नहीं चला। क्लास का समय होने को था, तो बुझे मन से उसे अलविदा कहना पड़ा।


धीरे-धीरे ये chats और regular होने लगे। फेसबुक की जगह अब मोबाइल ने लिया था। We talked for hours. We talked of day-to-day events, we talked of her ex-boyfriends, we talked things that even didn't make sense but we just kept talking. At times we even cursed the night for being so short.


My academics was the ultimate sufferer during 'those glorious days (nights)' when my priorities got altered, but who cared. Surely i didn't, but couple of my friends did. They kept reminding me of my exponentially decreasing grades but all of their MLs (Moral Lectures)  fell on deaf ears.


शायद वो भी ये बात जानते थे कि 'ये' एक ऐसा नशा है जिसमें ना दवा लगती है और ना ही दुआ, पर आखिर दोस्त थे न मेरे तो उनसे मेरा ये हाल कैसे देखा जाता? 


Getting back to the story part of my story, Things were getting cosier between us with each passing day. Now she started to ask me to meet her in person. I tried hard to avoid that situation as long as possible. With each new excuse i presented to her in order to avoid the meeting-thing, she grew more suspicious or desperate. Finally she asked if i was kind of just-casual with her.
"How can you even ask me that? "
"Then why is it so that every time i ask you to come here, you are ready with some excuse?"
"Just call it my bad luck. Okay, i am coming to see you this sunday , and no excuses this time. Happy Now."
Though she said Okay but still didn't sound very much convinced. May be she still didn't believe me.



"अबे राज, उठ जा। आज sunday है। आज तेरे को मिलने जाना था ना भाभीजी से? "
 
To be continued..

                                      छोटा कौन

"तुम उतरो, अभी तुरंत उतरो।" मौसी एकदम से डपटते हुए बोली।
यही कोई चौदह-पँद्रह वर्ष उम्र रही होगी उस नादान की, जो मौसी की डांट से सहम कर ऑटो से उतर गया। आज बहुत दिनों बाद मौसी ऑटो से सफ़र कर रही थी। घर में दो-दो गाड़ी होने के बावजूद ऑटो में सफ़र (दुर्भाग्यवश) करने की झल्लाहट तो थी ही, उस पर से 'उस' बच्चे का मेरे बगल में आके बैठ जाना आग में घी का काम कर गया।


मैं बार-बार पलट कर 'उस' बच्चे को देख रहा था जो एकदम रुआस हो के ऑटो से उतर गया। शर्ट गन्दी और फटी हुई, शरीर से गन्दी बू आ रही थी पर उसके चेहरे पर एक असीम मासूमीयत थी जो शायद मुझसे उसे इस प्रकार दुत्कारे जाने का कारण पूछ रही थी।


मौसी ने मेरे इन हरकतों को Observe कर लिया, और शायद अपने आप को सही ठहराने के लिए बोली,"ये छोटे लोग ऐसे ही होते हैं, एकदम गंदे रहते हैं। पास बैठने से तुम्हे कोई बीमारी भी हो सकती थी।"


मैं पुरे दिन सोचता रहा कि आखिर छोटा कौन है?
वे लोग जिन्हे मौसी छोटा कहती है या हम लोग जो ऐसी सोच रखते हैं।

                                             सपना  

"पापा, कुछ पैसों की ज़रुरत है।"

"कितने ?" अमर जी के चेहरे पर चिंता की लकीरें खिंच आई थी।
"पाँच हज़ार।"
 "ठीक है, मैं भेजता हूँ।"
जब-जब मिठ्ठू पैसे की फरमाइश करता, अमर जी का दिल बैठ जाता था। गाँव के छोटे-छोटे बच्चों को पढ़ा कर महीने के हज़ार-डेढ़ हज़ार कमाते, जिससे घर का खर्चा-पानी भी बड़ी मुश्किल से ही निकल पाता था। ज़ायदाद के नाम पे डेढ़ बीघा ज़मीन का एक टुकड़ा था, पर वो भी मिठ्ठू के पढाई के ख़ातिर पिछले तीन वर्षों से बंधक पड़ा था। अब तो लोग कर्ज देने से भी कतराते थे।
मिठ्ठू NIT Patna से Computer Science में B.Tech कर रहा था। मिठ्ठू की सफलता, अमर जी की जिन्दगी की आख़िरी ख्वाइस थी। अमर जी को इस बात का पूरा भरोसा था कि उनकी ये तपस्या आखिर रंग लायेगी, मिठ्ठू अगले वर्ष तक किसी बड़े से MNC में काम कर रहा होग। 



"यार, पापा ने कहा कि एक-दो दिनों में पैसे भेज देंगे। " अपने मित्रमंडली को खुशखबरी देता हुआ मिठ्ठू बोला " अरे कल्लू भैया 4 GOLDFLAKE देना, और माचिस भी। "

GOLDFLAKE के धुएँ में धुंधलाता जा था अमर जी का सपना..

                            Do I Know You

Seeing the sun being so desperate to go into hibernation and an hour still left for dinner, I decided to go out for a walk.

It was a pleasant evening with lots of people moving here and there. While moving i was observing the beauty that only nature can bestow, beauty that very often go unobserved, the beauty of clouds. The pattern they form, the colour combination they had can't be replicated even by the great Picasso. I was trying to fill that eternity within me as much as i could, while my lips were doing some involuntary movements suggesting that i was singing something.

"Smit"

That voice pulled me out of nature's hypnotism.

"Smit"

Now i heard it more clearly. And since i heard it clearly, it scared shit out of me because that was a girl's voice. Who the hell is calling me by my name? I don't know anybody. Did i do something wrong?

As she came closer, i tried to figure out if i ever even saw her. By the time she was about 10 meters away, i figured out that she was a friend of few of my friends. I have even met her couple of times.

Though that relaxed my mind a bit but didn't entirely solve my problem. The problem still was how and what am i going to reply her?

It was indeed one of the scariest scene of my life until then. Me talking to girl and that too on a road. OMG!! That was more like a nightmare. I was so scared and ashamed. But since i was stuck up in that situation with no one to help me out, i decided to help myself out of it.

With all courage i had, i finally dared to utter these words in order to have an easy escape from the scene

"DO I KNOW YOU?"

                              वो शाम

मंद-मंद बयार बह रही थी, चंद बारिश की बूंदों को अपने अन्दर सम्मलित किये। 
एक हाथ में चाय का प्याला लिए, पहुँच गये हम इस मनोरम दृश्य का लुफ्त उठाने।
हवा के ये झोंके हमारे बदन को स्पर्श कर, हमें हमारे अस्तितित्व का एहसास दिला रहे थे।
और हम अपनी दोनों बाहें खोल इस संपूर्ण एहसास को अपने अन्दर बटोर लेना चाहते थे,
यह जानते हुए कि हमारा ये वजूद भौतिक तो है परन्तु वास्तविक नहीं।
वास्तविकता की खोज हमें पहुँचा गयी उन बीते लम्हों में जो थे तो सुखद, पर थे बस छलावे।
होठों पर एक चिर-परिचित मुस्कान आ गयी, शायद बेबसता की निशानी रही होगी।
और तभी बारिश की एक अदनी सी बूँद हमें वर्तमान से अवगत करा गयी।
प्रश्न फिर वही था "मैं कौन हूँ ? "।
सूर्य-पृथ्वी के संगम का वह अविस्मरनीय दृश्य हमारे मानस पटल पर एक छाप छोर गया था।

 

                        LET IT GO (Before my college life)

3 years 91 days, yes that was my age when i left my home or more precisely i was forced to leave to pursue better education (education bullshit!), to live a quality life. That was tough, indeed a very tough decision taken by my father as there was neither a good school nor a good lifestyle in my home town.

It was very painful, both mentally and emotionally, to be away from my mother, my dear-ones at such a tender age. I was heart-broken and emotionally-shattered. Patna appeared a whole different planet to me which further added to my woes (as i belonged to a very remote village). Everything appeared scary, be it the fast moving vehicles or my strict english teacher. Things were hollowing me from inside. My confidence, my brute, my childishness, my extroversion, my wildness, everything that made me 'ME' kept shrinking. I started to suffer from identity crisis and inferiority complex. And this dumbness of mine was misunderstood as my obedience and serenity. I felt like weeping for hours but I didn't as it was of no use, my tears could never have brought me back to  my village. The flashbacks of my village, my mother, my sister continued to haunt me. My mausi (Did I mention that I was living with my mausi in Patna? Kind of adopted son.), who was more closer to me than anyone else over there, kept telling me that "You have to LET IT GO". How could I? I mean how a 3 year kid could think of anyone else other than his mother at the time when he needed her most. But there was no option either.

LET IT GO. 3 words that defined my life not once, not twice but on numerous occasions(Or should I say at numerous misfortunes).

And to 'LET SOMETHING GO' becomes even more tougher when you are as emotional as me. I mean, I love everything of mine and I can't afford to loose any of those, be it a book or a pair of scissors. I mentioned these as they are in front of me now. Moreover I don't calculate losses in term of its price tag but in term of the emotions and memories attached with it. I can recall missing my meals when i lost one of my comics. Did I ever mention that I love reading comics? They are just amazing. I have a huge collection of comics, Nanhey Samrat and novels. Oops! I am deviating from the topic.

1999, Beginning of my hostel life as a Kindergarten kid in Junior Residential Section of Sainik School Tilaiya. It's un-imaginably tough for a 5 and half years old kid to lead a hostel life (and even tougher for bed wetters. Yup I were a bed wetter until i were 7 or 8) but it weren't for me because by that time my senses, happiness, cheerfulness, or I should  say every good feeling/experience/stimuli of mine had gone numb. I were like a  robot filled with fear, sadness and lack of confidence. I remained in Sainik School till 2009 but my 'state' didn't change much except for my physical appearance. I performed there decently, won quite a few scholarship exams, cleared National Science Olympiad, improved my oratory skills. All in all I did things which my relatives could boast of, things which made my parents believe that I am on a right track. But if you ask me what I gained in those 10 years? My answer is Nothing except regrets. Regret for what? I don't know. May be for loosing my childhood, or loosing myself, or loosing my emotions, i really don't know. And when I mentioned all these in front of someone, guess what he repeated those 3 toughest/ugliest words: LET IT GO.

How could I? I mean, you are robbed of your life, your identity and when you question this act, you are replied: LET IT GO.

Things changed, I went to KOTA. For the first time I was free from any surveillance and that resulted into doing things I should never have done i.e bunking classes (I never attended even 30% of my classes). So I ended up being in IIITM (despite so much insincerity i secured AIR 7131 in JEE). The frustration of not making into IITs resulted into some nasty conversation with my seniors, doing some other things that I regret most till date. But slowly things started to smoothen up.

So finally after 15 years I am returning back to being ME. For once again I am trying to be the same kid what I was on or before 17th Feb 1996.

To be continued..